Those words keep repeating, replaying, lingering in my head. And it annoys me. It is so irritating!
I know what i've been doing. I know that i've changed.... a lot... Worst still, i am much sensitive than before. Infact I am born to have such a so sensitive heart feelings. And you guys should have know me before.
Im sorry for my direct words. I know i've been hurting you for all this while. And I know i've been hurting people around me.... especially my love ones. I just dont deserve to have you guys... It come straight from my heart. I dont deserve to have you... Im not worth to be around. The closer we are, the more you'll get hurt.. The longer I stay, the longer you will have to bare every hurt feelings.
Say what ever you want to say. Pour out everything.. Nothing can change me now. I choose to be this way. Say it that i've turned out to be so mean. Say it that I just care of myself...ignoring everyone's feeling. Say it that I think twice before I say it. Just go ahead and say everything you like.
It hurts me... but nothing can change me. Just bare in mind..those words... are just making things to be even harder.
I wish I could say it. Just to let you know the reason I am now. Just want you to know what drives me to be this way. I really hope.. and wish that you could understand deep inside me. And not judging me by what you always thought of. Im not trying to teach you. I just want you to understand me.. be in my shoe.. think out of the box. Try to get into my world.... Just understand me....
I love you.. I love my love ones. But what hurts the most is being so close. And it is out of my reach to know whenever I hurt you. It come to a point where I have made my own decisions.. I am sorry for straying away from you. Im not avoiding.. I just dont want to be so near that some how both of us to get hurt. It hurt me worst when I know that I myself hurt the people I love.
I am used to my way of life now. I am use to be far away from you. I can barely take care of myself. I just dont want to trouble you and make you do all those hard work just for the sake of me. I am here.. And I know... far away from you do reduce the burden.
I miss the old times... Where i get to gather with everyone. Have a joy and laughter together. Watching the same movie together. I wish i could have back the time. But knowing the time will never return and so myself. I will never want to change to be the old me.
Sorry once again.. Just leave me when you just cant accept the way I am now. Just dont bother me...
Leave me by all means.
